I have so many reasons to be sad or angry these days. I fight them almost every hour of every day. Certain things help me forget about them. Sometimes those same things make me happy.

Such as,

Friendship.

Honesty.

Sense of Accomplishment.

Careful Judgment.

Compassion.

and most of all, Love.

But say, one of these things were to suddenly stop working? Break down? or just kinda leave my life all together?

Simply enough, the sad things start winning. The other things start to leave as well, such as sense of accomplishment. Because I simply wont be able to get up in the morning. Because Ill put it off till tomorrow. Because i just wont care anymore.

It seems just a few minutes ago, I lost something that ive held dear for all my life.

Friendship

Im gonna be realistic here. Sure, I CAN live without it. But that doesnt make it hurt less.

Ive ALWAYS had friends. and I always thought they were the best of friends. But I dunno, seems every where I turn, people feel that their true feelings about me will hurt me. Yeah well, what hurts more is when they are hidden from me. So that I go on blindly until I see the light.

I don't even care if those in question see this. Cause if they wanted to say sorry, they would've a long time ago.

See the worst part is, I don't even know if its me. In fact, myself, That is to blame for this. I dont know if my time in Canada turned me into an asshole. or Just a conceded moron. All I know is that It is nearly impossible for someone to judge ones self correctly. Ive had to rely on the opinions of others. Just like everyone else.

All I can do is look in the mirror and say.

"Yep, thats me all right. And I think I'm A'ok."

Those of you that read all of this, thanks. I just had to get this out, and I didn't want to hurt anyone in the process.


-Matt